i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
