About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
