it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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