Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
