how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We have so much sex to catch up on
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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