Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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