whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
