There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
