That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
