Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
