I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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