It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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