Need sex. Gaining weight.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We had to coat check the pizza.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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