you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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