so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
