Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
