i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Is Oprah even human
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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