Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
