Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
