Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
