I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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