Me. At least after what I've been through.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
