Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
