a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
