How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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