btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
MIDGETS
????
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
