I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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