did you get engaged???
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
