sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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