He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
