I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
