I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
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