I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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