Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
