Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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