I just pynch a tree in the face
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
