I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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