Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
