you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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