the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
