So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
did i walk over a car last night?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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