I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
