I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
