one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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