do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize