i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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