He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
