im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
