sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
