You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Dignity is for republicans.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
