It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
