i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
