It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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