She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
