I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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