The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
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