this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
