Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
