Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
