If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I am full of burrito and curiosity
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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